I have demons in me.
just tell him i said nine months
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
