Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
