found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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