Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
