were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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