I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
