i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
