I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
