dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize