I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
