There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
