Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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