I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
