i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
