It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
