I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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