Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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