You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize