I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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