I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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