Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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