I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
This is my gift to your gina
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
