Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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