I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
