Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
