Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
