im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize