she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
