tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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