you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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