I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I'm passing your future prison.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize