A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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