Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
