i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
