Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
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