On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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