Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
