Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
