Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I love having hate sex.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
