You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
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