..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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