I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
