Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
