Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
