Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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