I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
