you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Im part way to drunk.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
