This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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