I want to have your abortion
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
