I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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