I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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