He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
