thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
