my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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