Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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