dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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