I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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