I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
