he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
we're making bets on your personal life
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize