remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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