Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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