this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
