just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
