the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
