If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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