its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
