please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
