arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
