I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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