Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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