just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
