I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
