you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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