"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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