put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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