I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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