She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize