They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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