Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
